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There was a famous quote once…something to the effect that enlightened men don’t pay girls for sex, they pay them to leave. I think that Charlie Sheen was the first to say it, but many others have since taken credit or somehow used another version of it. The reason that I’m on this subject is because a reader of my site, long ago, asked me my honest opinion of (much) older men and younger women. Now before I go into my answer and why, I need to give a little bit of information on how it relates to the Philippines. To most girls here in the Philippines and other Asian countries, status is everything. Actually I should say that guaranteeing that you have a full stomach for yourself and your family is the first priority and status is secondary. But then again, that’s for most people…but you can be assured that you’d find plenty of Asian girls who would rather starve than look like they’re broke or poor.

Now to achieve this perception of status or guaranteed absence of poverty, these girls would probably have to make some sacrifices along the way. The stupidest things I’ve seen is how these same girls will get themselves pregnant by a rich man. The man, not being stupid, will know exactly how and why she got pregnant. Let me be clear here that I’m not taking the sides of the rich men over the girls since obviously it takes two. But the girls will purposely put holes in the condoms or not allow him to pull out at the climax…especially if he’s drunk. Then she’ll blame the guy for getting her pregnant and try to sue for child support. The men, again not stupid, will then threaten the girl with a lawyer who can scare her or her family with a harassment counter lawsuit, or whatever else he can dig up on her. The girls are left with children and no recourse. In many cases, the men can gain custody of the children over the mother.

Case two are where young girls pursue and marry rich older men. Here I’m talking about "Class A" girls here with wealthy Filipino or Chinese businessmen. The level of wealth that these girls are after is the same as any other nation. You can always see these girls. They hang out in big groups of 6-12 ladies. They typically range in age from 24-35, are very beautiful, and are covered with jewelry and designer labels. Of course, they are almost never seen with their husbands or boyfriends. This is mainly because they don’t want to be seen in public with their DOM (Dirty Old Men) as we Filipinos say it. The men don’t mind since they also hang out at the golf course or a hotel lounge or upscale KTV bar with their DOM buddies. The men don’t mind that their ladies go out since 1) they are in groups of like minded girls and 2) they believe that these girls won’t be able to find a young man who can "buy" their love. This is the key to this discussion…the men, deep down inside, know that they are buying love. They also know that if these girls had a chance to be with a man their age, or even younger, they would leave their older men in an instant. Over great periods of time, the naïve men among them believe that the women truly love them rather than their money. Actually they’ve brainwashed themselves to believe it, but can occasionally step back and accept that their ease of jealousy is due to the mismatch. This is not just an Asian phenomenon, I know, since I’m sure many Western readers would point it out to me if I didn’t say it.

Part B of Case two is "rich" foreigners with much younger Filipinas. Now I know this is really going to strike a nerve with many people, but it’s only because they refuse to accept the truth, even when a Filipina is telling it to them. This point is also the answer to the question asked of me. It is my educated observation that Filipinas will definitely marry a much older man for his money or his status yet never truly loves him other than for his money. She might attempt to convince herself and her friends that deep down the opposite is true, but she will never feel complete and happy for herself. Instead she will live vicariously through her business, her relatives, or her children. She will immerse herself so much in the lives of others that she’ll be able to disguise her pain and loneliness for her soul mate. To clarify, this applies more to girls in the age ranges of 18-40. Once she hits 40, she’ll be more accepting of her "fate" and the loneliness will fade away. She’ll be more self-actualized and realize that there is a lot more to life than love and sex.

Now allow me to further define what kind of girls I’m talking about. It’s basically the pretty and popular girls. I’ve heard many cases how the local "beauty queen" is stolen away by a less-than-acceptable foreigner in both his looks and his personality. It’s these girls who face their own prison for the rest of their lives. If these girls don’t live a double life when their husbands are not looking or become alcoholics, I’d be absolutely amazed.  I had a few very pretty friends who posted themselves online on Asian dating sites.  They would belly laugh when men 30 years their senior would e-mail them with the attitude that they actually had a chance of getting a serious reply.  It's important to mention that these girls are in contrast to many "ordinary" provincial girls. If these girls marry much older men, they usually give relevance to the "submissive Filipina" stereotype. Filipinos, especially those born and raised in the big cities, hate to admit it. In the States, they would be called "limousine liberals"…those people who think that they know what’s best for the poor, but have never been poor (or even known the poor) themselves. Therefore they have no concept how the poor think or would react to the challenges of life.

I realize that if this was posted on a discussion board, it would spark a huge debate and the men I spoke of, in defense of their wife, would give all sorts of examples. Well that’s fine, but I wouldn’t listen to the arguments since I’ve heard every angle and seen tons of examples, both for and against. Again, in this entry, I didn’t name names. I realize that this entry doesn’t apply to everyone. But it does apply to most Asian girls, whether from here, Thailand, Vietnam, or Korea who married to live abroad. I realize that the truth hurts, but the truly enlightened individuals would nod and accept the truth. They set out to find these girls in the first place with the concept that their status would make them more desirable. Over the years, many of them forgot how low their self-esteem was before they met their dream girl either online or while on vacation. Now they have these girls and she’s loyal and faithful because she has no real power. You hold all of the cards. Again, this doesn’t only apply to Asian countries. I remember how a Texas oil tycoon married a big-breasted centerfold. He knew full well why she "loved" him and openly admitted it…but nevertheless, you never saw him without a big smile on his face. The 20 something firmness of those breasts on his forehead at the age of 88 was one of the reasons he got rich in the first place.

May 2nd, 2005

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