The following topic might seem ridiculous, but it must be addressed even if probably half of you think it’s silly. Hey…at least my blog isn’t like most who take pictures of their cat or talk about how they tripped over her while they got up to brush their teeth. Basically my current observation, after months of thought is that women are often judged more on the size of our boobs than we are of the power of our brains. No doubt I am the exception now that the readers to my site have had a chance to get to know me. But I’ve lived through two stages of my life, one where my boobs were small and the current stage where you might say that my boobs are bigger than most Asian girls, especially Filipinas. Having big boobs and knowing how to use them is one of the greatest weapons in the female arsenal of getting your way. Now again, most of my life my boobs were what you would consider to be small, i.e. an “A” cup like most Asian girls out there. This was the case until my 22nd year. After hitting puberty at 14, I always experienced irregular periods. Some months it would come after 28 days, sometimes 40, and sometimes I’d miss 2 months. When it would happen, I’d bleed irregularly in volume as well. It was so unpredictable and annoying that I went to the doctor for help. The doctor, obviously not going by the norm here in conservative Asian countries, suggested that I try birth control pills to regulate my menstrual cycle. The side effects, she said, was that my breasts may grow. Sure enough, two months later, viola…Kiana has big boobs. Now obviously I’m not Pamela Anderson nor do I aspire to be her. But I realize now the importance of boobs in our male dominated society. I’m sure most feminists out there would be up in arms by what I’m saying and argue that you should not “sell out” by focusing on your breasts, blah-blah-blah. But like the old “Disney’s Duck Tales” principle goes, “work smarter, not harder.”
Now that my boobs are bigger I notice many things. First, men are nicer to me. That should be obvious. It’s especially helpful in the workplace. Girls, let me give you a little bit of advice. If you catch a man staring at your boobs, don’t get mad. Just take that opportunity to get what you want since he’s probably not paying close attention to what you are saying. This is the time you whip out that contract and make him sign on the dotted line or confirm your bonus he “offered” should he be your superior. He’ll probably be more likely to sign without asking too many questions since he was “paying attention” earlier and doesn’t want to get caught with his eyes down by admitting otherwise. Secondly, women are more respectful. Maybe it’s something primal about having bigger boobs than another woman…she treats you as an “elder” or calls you “ate (ah-tay in Tagalog)” even if she doesn’t know your age. These are just a few of many examples.
Again, I know by now I need to appease the feminists or male idealists who are reading this. I know some of you out there are pissed off, thinking that breasts don’t matter, and all that matters is your brain. In the grand scheme of things, my sisters (and brothers), you’re right. But having big boobs gives you a 5 second head start on this 100 meter dash we call our youth. It only turns into an endurance race after the age of about 40 when your boobs start to sag due to gravity or maybe sprinting without a sports bra. Ouch! Whatever. And to add something that always quiets my critics 100% of the time I’ll say this, “Your politically correct 1st world point of view backed up by your courts and lawyers doesn’t apply here in the 3rd world, so your opinion is basically baseless, null, and void until you walk a kilometer in my shoes…and don’t get mugged along the way.” Here in the Philippines, people openly advertise a minimum height requirement or the fact that you must be attractive to get even minimum wage jobs. That’s an entirely different topic for another time, but it just further illustrates that appearance counts…in fact, in the 3rd world, it can mean eating or starving.
March 5th, 2005
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